By P Blood
I don’t know if it’s just me, but when I first heard The Darkness, I laughed hysterically and then just wanted to air kick and throw horns like I was in a cheesy glam rock video… When I eventually saw videos and photos of Justin Hawkins and crew, I was like – these dudes are perfect! Ugly as fuck dudes who didn’t let their mank teeth and failing hair follicles stop them from being and sounding like fucking sex gods! Frankly, there is nothing more inspiring for any man than a guy getting spades of vajayjay for singing like a girl and looking like a dog’s anus.
Hot Cakes inspires just that – much more than their last offering, One Way Ticket To Hell… And Back, but not in the same way as an original 80’s stadium glam rock band (or even their first album) did. You’ll still feel like doing the full rocker – wide leg stance, leaned back, jumping, giving horns, foot tapping, head bobbing, air cunninglingus, with a raging boner manoeuvres. Just not with same insane grin. With this album there will be a bit more snarling…
Although the title of the second track of the album, Nothing’s Going to Stop Us, reminds me of that old Queen song and the early days of M-Net, it is nothing short of a declaration by Justin and company. They’re back. A little darker, a little travel weary perhaps, but by Beelzebub, they’re here to bust some fucking handstands on stage and wail like banshees!
The high-drama power pop ballads aren’t less fun, they’re just less comical, perhaps even a little sombre at times, at least for The Darkness anyway. Living Each Day Blind and Love Is Not The Answer, the acoustic version more so, are the embodiment of this toning down on comedy value.
Cannonball introduces a nice little element of flutes, not seen since the likes of Jethro Tull.
I can’t really remember now, but I’m pretty sure Hawkins wasn’t so much about breaking up, but more about falling in love. Hot Cakes seems to be a slightly more cynical view of the grand amour. The majority of the lyrics seem to deal with love falling apart, rather than believing in that thing called love. It might be down to Justin’s personal troubles having tainted his view on the subject.
Regardless, these aren’t the kind of songs you’re going to find an overly emotional, hormonally strung out teenager bawling their eyes out to. Thank fuck. There are enough indie bands producing that drivel already. Though you might find a dude sporting a mullet having a cry wank to Living Each Day Blind, and then sobbing with ejaculate in his hand to Everybody Have A Good Time over the “good times” and youth lost… which is just as disturbing.
Summing up, I’d have to say Hot Cakes is a solid offering of something that will appeal to almost everybody’s taste. Think Queen, Thin Lizzy, Motley Crue, think The Darkness… You know what you’re in for when you put on them on, so stop taking yourself so goddamn seriously. Let loose, sing along if you know the words… Fuck it, sing along even if you don’t know the words, and enjoy some cheese glam rock. For god sakes, don’t try do a handstand if you’re driving though.
Suffering from an inexplicably large ego and ignoring common courtesy, Mr P. Blood indulges his opinions about whatever comes to his cesspool of a mind, and strangely people don’t seem to hate him for it. Making him a writer, of sorts.